Pre-Post Transition Post

This isn't a real post. I'm going to post the real post tomorrow. But it feels like there should be some sort of intermediate thing to prepare everyone for the abrupt change of speed ahead.

Here's a picture of an airplane.


I realize that airplanes don't look like that, but this has been a hard year for me and learning how to draw planes accurately wasn't exactly a priority. I maybe could have chosen to draw something else, but I started drawing the plane, and there was already too much momentum.

Anyway, I feel like this is becoming way more about planes than I had anticipated. Let's move on.

If, at any point over the last eighteen months, you've wondered what was happening to me and why it might be happening, my post tomorrow should explain everything.

I've been working on it for the better part of a year (partly because I wanted to get it exactly right, and partly because I was still experiencing it while attempting to explain it, which made things weird), and I'm relieved and excited and scared to finally be able to post it.

At this point, you're all probably wondering what is it? What's in the post?? Is it airplanes? And no, it unfortunately has very little to do with airplanes.* It's a sort of sequel to my post about depression. It is also about depression. In parts, it might get a little flinch-y and uncomfortable, and if I succeed in making you laugh during those parts, you're going to feel real weird about yourselves. But it's okay. Just let it happen. I WANT it to happen. Because it makes me feel powerful, and also because there are flinch-y, uncomfortable things everywhere. Seeing them is inevitable. If we can laugh about some of them, maybe they'll be less scary to look at.

Okay, so that's what's going to happen tomorrow. Hopefully this transition post makes the experience less jarring for everyone.

*As it turns out, there is a plane. I had forgotten about it (it's small and not the main focus of the post) and the coincidence was entirely unintentional. I'd never tell you there aren't going to be planes while being fully aware that there's a plane.

2,219 comments:

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lauren said...

Holy shit girl! Your comment box is full for the most recent post! Obviously your web host has no idea what a Goddess of the Internet you are.

I just wanted to say that your depression post was the single funniest and also heart-wrenching piece of writing I've ever read about mental health issues. I want to disseminate this to everyone in the world, so they understand.

(And these planes made me laugh too.)

Anonymous said...

I did laugh, and did feel a little weird, but that's OK because I don't feel weird at all about how happy I am that you're back!!

You have been missed. <3 (I mean that in a very non-creepy way)

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad you're still here.

Anonymous said...

So glad you're back. Missed ya. Best of luck with the recovery. Mine took years but now things are usually good. Hope the same for you.

Aecio said...

I'm happy you're back, Allie. i also cannot comment on your next post about the depression, so i think a lot of people missed you too. I hope you're well. Keep going. We're here! :)

Anonymous said...

Allie! The entire internet missed you so much! I missed you, I honestly thought I'd never read another post by you again. I thought you were gone for good, but I am so very glad that you are back. Even if you don't post for a long long time, I'm happy to know you are around :)

Anonymous said...

I've been SOOOO worried about you, thank you for seeking help. Please don't give up on getting better, because the world NEEDS you!

Anonymous said...

I've been SOOOO worried about you, thank you for seeking help. Please don't give up on getting better, because the world NEEDS you!

Anonymous said...

*hugs* I'm so glad you're okay! I'm going through depression and this past year has been so many four letter words it wouldn't be polite to put them in a post. You've been an inspiration to me as a writer and your stories have always cheered me up on bad days. Hang in there!

zettix said...

Note that 5000 is less than a million. I may be the first person to post here because the depression part 2 is full, but I will not be the last. Nope. Not even close. To illustrate, I'm making that heart shape with my hands.

Transition Girl said...

Glad to see you back. Have missed you!

Unknown said...

Allie,

For some reason it wouldn't let me post on the actual depression post so I'm posting here. (Let's see how many times I can say post in one sentence, shall we?)

Thank you for writing the depression post and sharing it with the world. At the same time as I love it, I also don't like it because it's forcing me to confront that I've been feeling the same way you describe for a long time and trying to mask it by filling my life with things and hoping it'll go away. It hasn't. Thank you for being brave enough to describe it for all of us. Your post has made me reconsider getting help for the first time in a long time.

By the way, you are loved deeply by everyone who reads you. You're right, we were thinking about you, hoping you were OK. We would love to hear more of your journey, be your sounding board, whatever you need.

Thanks again,
- Ashley

Anna said...

Come to Australia. No reason at all, I'm not claiming it will help you, but it'd be great for your Aussie fans :)

Anonymous said...

I have no idea who you are and stumbled across this on facebook and its AMAZING!! Lived through 5 boughts of serious depression (each on avg. 3 months long) and can relate to this so much... Great Job!! You totally achieved your goal in posting this. I laughed out loud quite a few times (I am in a less depressed state now thankfully, for the time being!) but even if I was in a dangerously depressed state of mind I think I would still find tons of comfort in this. I usually just read really depressions message boards about depression when I can't leave the house for weeks on end because of this condition, its the only way I can relate to anyone during those times.

I Love this, I Love you, thank you so fucking much for putting this out there. I hope one day your posts on depression will be used to *teach* people who can't understand depression how it is. Like my parents for example, its so fucking frustrating sometimes.. If I had a time machine during those times I would have used it to go to today and print your blog out then travel back in time and make everyone read it who tried to help but had no idea how or could not put the time into really "understanding" depression...

ANYWAYS.. thanks again, I truly think you single hadidly created one of the most important articles on depression out there. I have always wanted to make something like this but lack the drive to actually do it...Fantastic.

Emily said...

OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


YAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!

This comment isn't even supposed to be for this post, its supposed to be for the depression part two post, but those comments filled up and there was no room. Who knew comments could fill up??

Anyhow..... YYYYAAAAAYYYYY!!!!

Sooooooo happy to hear from you Allie!!! I've never posted here before, but have lurked forever. I only found your site a few months before your hiatus and never had the heart to get rid of it in my favorites. I still checked it and read all your old stuff because you are hilarious and I LOVE your art.

I was just showing my sister the ALOT post, because I'm a teacher, and it took your post for me to be able to spell that word... anyways, I was ridiculously thrilled to see a new post and now my sister thinks I'm crazy being so bouncy over here reading your latest.

I'm glad you're back!!!

Thank you for sharing your experiences with all us.

Emily said...

I can't tell you how overjoyed I was when I discovered you were back. Your posts have made me cry from laughing countless times, especially the cake and fish stories. Keep on doing what you do, and I wish you the best of luck with your journey back from depression. You've been missed.

The Alot said...

Yay!! You're back!

Anonymous said...

So the actual post has had so many comments, it is no longer possible to make another! So instead I'll be a little cheeky, and post here... I don't know how to thank you for putting into words so many of my thoughts and feelings (or lack thereof!) for the past few years. God forbid it should ever happen again (I'm realistic; it's likely!) this will be the first place I send people, to explain just where I'm at. I can relate to so much of what you've written! THANK YOU doesn't quite cut it, but will have to do.

Fell on Black Days said...

You're back, that's great but bad too. When I don't post it's because things are slightly better and I'm busier. Maybe the same for you? Either that or I just can't post because I just can't. Your blog makes me feel less numb, empty and alone. Thanks.

No. said...

I just saw this on the front page of reddit and made this excited gasp/squeal noise.

My roommate just came in here asking if I was okay. Apparently it sounded like I was choking. (I guess I kind of was...up with excitement and happiness that you are writing again!)

Evergreen Eden said...

Cool I totally get to be commentor #2021 according to the current tally. So I highly doubt you will even see this. But SO glad you're okay...or even semi-quasi-pseudo okay. Because the world *obviously* (sorry too chicken to try the code thing) needs your beautifully whack sense of humor!!!!! Seriously. :) Thanks for the laughter!
Eden

Evergreen Eden said...

Cool I totally get to be commentor #2021 according to the current tally. So I highly doubt you will even see this. But SO glad you're okay...or even semi-quasi-pseudo okay. Because the world *obviously* (sorry too chicken to try the code thing) needs your beautifully whack sense of humor!!!!! Seriously. :) Thanks for the laughter!
Eden

River Walker said...

Your latest post hits home. I am amazed at how you can take even the worst situation and turn it into something hilarious. You probably don't feel like laughing much though. Nothing anybody can say will help, especially those people who have never experienced depression. But depression is an illness. You wouldn't break a leg and not go to the doctor. Your brain is not supposed to be functioning this way and making you feel like crap. Unfortunately I'm not sure what can really fix it. Therapy works for some, but it never meant anything to me. And pills have a plethora of undesirable side-effects that might hurt you even worse than untreated depression.

I've been depressed my entire life, so I understood exactly what you were saying. I know everyone and their mother has given you advice, and I know I just said none of it can really affect how you're feeling. But I just want to share what happened with me. Very recently I had a breakthrough in discovering what I really wanted out of life. That kind of deep realization comes from within, and usually results from a long and winding journey. Now that I've figured out my own purpose, I'm actually HAPPY. It's unthinkable and weird. Life itself doesn't have one central, catch-all purpose; it's up to us as individuals to figure out how to give our lives purpose, sense, and meaning. It's easy to look at the bigger picture and just get overwhelmed and go, "Man, this is all pointless." Because of all the shit going on in the world, how could you not lose hope?

But it's not all bad. It's not all good either.

I don't doubt I'll fall back into depression eventually; I doubt it's over for good. But we all go through hills and valleys. You will see the light again, my friend, I promise. And while it may not last forever, you'll at least be able to remember a time when things seemed OK.

Some people cope with religion or spirituality, others medicate with drugs, others destroy themselves and those around them... I believe these are all mechanisms for us to learn more and more about ourselves and decide how we're ultimately going to use our gift of life. We're not going to be perfect along the way, nor will we when we reach our destination.

I'm really sorry to write so much and I hope you don't think I just sound like some new-age asshole. I've been reading your blog for years now and have you on my Twitter. I just hope you will get better. If you want to talk to me or whatever you can always email me. But even if you don't need to talk just know that there are A LOT of people out there who love and care about you. Keep fighting!

Coleen Ferrier said...

I am so glad you're back! Missed you lots! So did my helper dog and simple dog.

Anonymous said...

The latest post has reached comment capacity, so I'm posting this here.

I'm really glad to see this post. As someone who has recently walked away from depression, I know exactly how all of that feels. I hope you can come right out of the darkness, kick depression's ass and tell it to gtfo forever.

While depression is nothing to laugh at, it made me smile. I can totally relate.

Keep on hating and crying! More feelings will come back!

Misty Monkey said...

As someone who has struggled with depression most of my life (while making it look like I don't), I can't thank you enough for writing this. It's an amazingly accurate description (makes sense, since it sounds like you were trying to write about it while experiencing it... Wow, really impressed by that). And, oddly, yes, I laughed... Louder than I have ever laughed while sitting alone on my computer, toward the end. So accurate. Even the fucking piece of corn. Thank you. Well said.

Anonymous said...

YAYUH! Glad You're Back.

kels said...

So glad you are back!

Hope said...

i'm glad you're back. i kept you bookmarked and checked at least once a week. i look forward to your post tomorrow.

Andy said...

I suffer from depression, too, and admit I've been worried for the last 18 months. I'd check your blog every few weeks/months to see if you'd posted anything, but nothing. Today, my friend sent me a link, and you're okay!! I considered sending you a message, but thought that would be creepy coming from a stranger. (Comment message. Nothing stalker-y.) Anyhow, as you can see from all the comments, we are so glad you are okay. And, as I said--I suffer from depression too, and it helps to get that experience out there. And it helps for fellow sufferers, like myself, to read your posts. You're very brave, and I thank you.

Anonymous said...

I missed you and this blog so much. ;_;

Travis Huber said...

I'm ecstatic that you haven't died, and I'm so sorry you've felt so much nothing. I admire your ability to illustrate the perfect ridiculousness of it all.

Jonathan, an Asian said...

Posting here because damn 5000 comments.

Your fish metaphor is the best. Honestly, it´s brilliant. It conveys what you want to say simply and very effectively.

I just want to say that you have a knack for storytelling. Whether it is from practice and trial and error, or simply from your innate abilities, or some combination thereof, you are able to put together hilariously shitty drawings and stories from your life in a way that quite literally nobody else can do, so far as I can tell.

The chance that you, Allie, will ever read this is slim, but in the case that you do, I´d just like to say this to you. I'd like to remind you that 5000+ people are delighted by you. You have made 5000+ people laugh and smile. 5000+ people give enough shits about your life to take the time out of their day to read what you write. That's something that not very many people can say.

That's all I've got. Go on and be your awesome self.

Cat-in-a-Box said...

Posting here because the other one is full... Just wanted to say thank you for writing this, love your work and am so glad to see you back again!!!

Lyzz said...

Your latest post is the truest truth that has ever truthed. I have been struggling with depression for the past 4 or 5 years, with some pretty extreme ups and downs along the way. I still sometimes get that debilitating apathy and the occasional I-hate-everything day. But most days I'm pretty okay and sometimes you just have to accept that as good enough. I hope eventually you'll get to that point too or, preferably, even further.

Annie P. said...

YAAAAAAYYYYY!!!
So glad you're back! I was so sad when I had finished all your stories & there was no more to read :-(
I've had to re-read some of them many times to get my giggle fixes :-)
Know that we're all human & all struggling with our things & we all consider you awesome & brave & love the light and truth that you can bring to the human-ness in all of us.
Can't wait to see more from you more often! You are cherished!

Rebecca Blake said...

I can relate to how much time it can take to do something when in a state of depression.
It is a hard thing to understand... depression. I am coming out of a majorly huge depressive episode that lasted for about 3 years and at no point in that time did I GET my depression. It is a confusing and unwelcome thing.

I hope you have conquered it. I hope you arise triumphant and have slain thy beast! Or whatever troubled you...

Regardless, we, your humble internets, have come to welcome you back with open arms and big grins.

We love you. I hope you can feel that!

Tasha said...

I posted this on Facebook after reading your Part Two entry because I was so moved by it.

I was diagnosed with depression in 1998, but I think the battle started as a child. Her blog post certainly tells the truth. Depression does not have an on/off switch that you can just reach for and deactivate. You have to work through so many things in your head, heart and life just to make it to the next day. Making a conscious decision every day to get out of bed or even take another breath is exhausting. Everyone needs to take depression very seriously. Suicidal ideation is no joke, either. Bad timing is the only reason I am still on this earth after I tried to leave it 11 years ago. Thoughts of suicide can return when under stress or a depression relapse, so if you know anyone who has talked about or attempted suicide, just be there for them - no lectures or fluff, please.

KathyG said...

I'm commenting on this post because the next post has reached its comment limit...

You're back! You're Back!! YOU'RE BACK!!!!!!!!! OMG I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE BACK!!!!

You are wonderful.

Anonymous said...

I love you & I love this post and "tomorrow's". I did laugh. And not know what faces to make sometimes. Even though that's not usually a problem for me. Anyway- thanks. We needed that.

Anonymous said...

I am SO happy you have rejoined the internet universe. It has made my whole week brighter. And I am equally pleased you have jumped off my person to worry about list.

Anonymous said...

You are marvelous

The gods wait to delight in you

Hellena Post said...

I'm commenting here, because the post that you posted.....that nailed depression better than anything else I've ever seen or read......is full up with comments. At 5,000, the comments shut down, which is kind of a shame, cause I think the sharing and realisations and connections and validating snowballing on round here, started up by you, would keep going on forever. Or at least close anyway.

Which is what I wanted to say. I feel like I've witnessed a truly collective connection between a really huge group of people. Almost like watching one of those tremendous migrations of animals in Africa, I've watched people flock to your blog to let you know you touched them.

You, dear soul, telling your personal and authentic truth, has had a huge impact on the world, the ripples of which will help many many people feel seen and acknowledged.

And to take my part in that sharing......I got out of my very regular bouts of depression in my twenties by stopping trying to stop it. Accepted it as part of me, as part of the whole of me, and part of the up, and part of the learnings you can get from the deep dark and no other place. And instead of trying to stop it, and feel better, and mask it, and work around it, and deny it......I totally lushed out in it. Thought of EVERYTHING that hurt me and made me cry, and how my first cat got run over, and my dad died, and how alone and empty I felt, and rolled around in it for a bit. I'd stay in bed for weeks and steep myself in it. Live in a chaotic mess that reflected my head and eat hot chips and takeaways, or just hide out and shut out the world.

And it kinda quickened the process. Got shorter and shorter till I got what the trip to the underworld was about.

And then when I got Post Natal Depression after my fifth childs birth, it kinda took me by surprise, cause I thought I had all my underworld self worked out, and I felt like a neurotic teenager again, and it was very confusing. Hard to feel like I wanted to drive off a cliff when I was driving on my own, with so many children to look after and responsibilities in my world.

And I would have to say the cure for that was something worse. My babies getting whooping cough. I realised then the lengths I'd go to for the wellbeing of my children, no matter what was going on for me. And by the time that we came out of it 3 months later, I was over it. The old fake it till you make it cure.

All that being said, I know quite a few people with depression, and no matter what my experience may have been, it's their experience to experience how they must and will.

And many of them have described it to me as very similar to how you have so eloquently and artistically expressed it. And even with all my experiences, I've tried to positive them out of it.

I think I've learnt not to do that now, and to respect everyone's reality to the best of my ability, but this piece is a wonderful reminder.

Thank you so much for setting such a healing and cathartic and real and expressive creation loose into the world. And for being an example of how everything authentically expressed, is a win for humanity.

You're a dead set legend. And as a fellow blogger I find you truly inspirational. Thank you.

dagan said...

Allie, your newest post is at comment capacity. I am so, so glad you turned around from that wasteland. I had a similar experience with depression. It sucks. The world sucks. But we're both still here, which is good. Thank you for the eloquent post, and for giving so many people the right words to describe their own experiences. <3

Anonymous said...

You're back!!! We really missed you Allie! :) I hope you're feeling better!
I love you! <3 :)

parentwin said...

Look, I know this means nothing coming from a total internet stranger and nobody, but you are seriously the most brilliant person I have ever come across on the internet. You're next post is...it's the best thing I've ever read on the internet. Ever. And I read a million things every day.

I do not suffer from depression. I have never been able to understand it. I have learned, through caring friends, how to react to someone suffering with it. How to say I love them and not try to fix any problem. But I didn't understand. Now I do. The post is a masterpiece. It's an absolute masterpiece.

Anonymous said...

I read your new post and I would very much like to sit on the opposite end of a couch from you and maybe frown a lot (alot) and maybe laugh at stupid pieces of corn (or the broken K key on my old laptop. We all have our crazy) and not spit joyful optimism in your face and hope to satan you don't spit it at me either. I think that would be good. I really want you to think of something a lot more fun for you to do some day soon, and I want you to have fun doing it. Till then, I'll try to pretend we're sitting on a couch practicing our faces at each other. Thanks for not giving a fuck and telling us things, even if it makes us awkwardly laugh.
-K

Anonymous said...

I've missed your posts, Allie. We all have. I've turned several people to your blog for laughter...and inspiration. Whatever the revelation tomorrow, I feel blessed to know you're still here to add to my smiles after my trials :)

L. said...

These posts are such an incredibly generous gift to others who struggle with depression, and you're brave and wonderful to share them.

Adelaide said...

Allie!! You're back!! Not going to lie, I'm feeling pretty vindicated now about dropping by your website just about every day since your last post hoping for a new one :)

P.s. your new depression post is awesome (so awesome that I was to slow to post before 5000 comments) :)

Anonymous said...

I'm SO stupidly glad to see you back, even if it's only to find out that you had a horrible time these last nineteen months.

But hey, horribly depressed and feeling empty still means you're alive to BE horribly depressed and feeling empty. I'll take what I can and be glad about it.

Also, I'm posting this comment here because your newest post has reached 5000 comments and they won't let me add anything to this, so I spotted this one as a chance to say "screw you, comment limit!". Next time this happens, I'll just go back to the nearest post chronologically in the past that hasn't reached the comment limit and comment there. Just so you're warned.

Emma T. Bunnie said...

*cries* i missed you so much!

Max said...

The comments page on the newest post is already full, so I'll use this space to offer a big Spaghetta Nadle YAAAAHHHH that you're coming through, making progress, and sharing more of your beautiful beautiful self with us. I hope you keep finding more stuff that works, and that you're soon able to get back as much joy from the world as you put into it. That's quite a lot, you know.

hajjandumrah said...

I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first
comment. I dont know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog.
I will keep visiting this blog very often.
flights to jeddah

Anonymous said...

So, your comment box is full...so I'm just going to tell you here instead :P Thanks for explaining that; my sister has had depression for years and I didn't really know how to view it. Blessings as you continue to work through! Also, I definitely did laugh at parts, just so you know... :)

Ashley Peisher said...

Hooray!! I'm so happy you're back!
Love, I hope you're doing okay. I understand that depression can be so very hard, and I've been keeping you in my prayers (not to sound weird). You're an inspiration to us all, and we love you!! Never feel like you're alone, hopeless, or useless! You bring so much joy to THOUSANDS! You're a gift, and you deserve all the happiness in the world!

qatheworld said...

Welcome "Home" :)

Beta Dad said...

First!

Christina said...

Hi Allie, apparently I can't comment on your other post because you're too popular, and you probably won't see this anyway, but just felt the need to tell you that my friend Sarah and I have been waiting for aaaages for you to come back and we're so glad you did, and as a fellow-sufferer your post really resonated with me and I don't know I just think you're the bees knees and continue being awesome please thank you

Kyla said...

even just this little post made me tear up a little. tomorrow the waterworks will come. SOOOO glad you are back, Allie. We missed you and you are amazing. thank you for being you.

Jessica said...

Am I happy? I'm not happy you've been having a hard time. I'm happy you're back. Are you happy you're back? I really want to show sensitivity about this but I'm just so freaking happy you posted again. Does that make me a bad person?

Between you and the Arrested Development thing... maybe this is it. Maybe this is when everything turns around and the world starts getting less evil! Have we passed Peak Evil. Was that the kind of "crick" sound I heard yesterday?

Mariah said...

YOU ARE BACK OMG!

Anonymous said...

So, I intended to post this on the post-post post, but apparently that post has reached the maximum allowed number of comments and new comments cannot be posted. So here I post. (So you'll be stuck with the "but people care about me -.-" feeling if you find yourself suicidal again)

Happily, the biggest thing which has stuck with me from depression is the corn-laughing. I still get all the shitty bits floating back towards me every now and then, but laughing at stupid shit for no particular reason other than that it's inexplicably funny to me? At least once a day.

Corn > SSRIs.

Anonymous said...

I was out-of-proportionally happy yesterday when I found out you had written a follow-up to your first adventures in depression post, to which I could relate immensely.

Both me and my dad suffer from clinical depression and we're both struggling at the moment. Reading this makes me feel less alone and I hope it will help my dad too.

Thank you.

geszt said...

I had the feeling that last depression post wasn't the last we heard about the d word. Glad you are back and hope you are better!

Mandou. said...

I missed you, little babushka doll! with all your layers!
I moved to comment on your latest post, but it is flooded with comments! So much +ity!
I don't even know if you'll see this, but I hope you do read our well-wishes! Even if they don't really register emotionally right now, maybe the fact that we are sending good energy your way will..
cause some kind of physical reaction? what is that law of newton's? every action something, something equal reaction? So if we propel our good vibes to you, and you your whatever you're feeling to us, we can have a groovy power-rangers battle where the good juju wins.
Also, thank you for illustrating your plight, as well as sharing it. It helps me think about what my dad's perceptions of life, as someone with depression, may be.
xxxxxxxxxxx!

Zenefertiti said...

Good to see you again, whatever the circumstances. Your last post (which I've seen sitting in the feed for over a year) really touched my heart.. and now you are here again :)

Im happy for you and hope you find peace. Depression sucks.

Mia said...

KNOW THIS <<< whatever you post tomorrow, it will be great because it will be true. WE ARE PROUD OF YOU!(insert standing ovation here)

Anonymous said...

You are awesome. Just remember when all else sucks, that you have a gift. It's real and when nothing else makes sense, you still have that. And, if that also went to crap, you are still awesome. I am one of a very large number of people who like you regardless of the depression.

KATE said...

Listen.

I'm not trying to make you "happy" with this, but I couldn't not pass it on when I saw this today. What I thought was most relevant was (it's starts in the middle of the video) was the little girl who still feels that blissful optimism we all used to feel. I miss those days playing in the woods with my friends and just being "happy" -- she also picks her nose at one point and not a single fuck was given. Another admirable attribute of childhood -- anyway next is some advice given by an elderly man who almost explains why we don't feel like that little kid with her toys anymore. Because adults lose their imagination and gratitude for things when we stop opening our eyes and looking. I don't know quite what to say to that but it sounds like he's not asking people to be happy. Just to look, and to acknowledge the kinda stuff he's talking about. I don't suddenly feel like every person I interact with during my day should feel blessed by my presence. Or that me and my fartfilled sweatpants I've been wearing for two days should feel like we're touching the lives of the delivery man we just got stuck talking to, but it makes me a little less egocentric and it will probably last five whole minutes after I send this comment!

It might help it might not, but good lord was that girl endearing or what? She's so matter of fact about her definition lol I'd kill for that kind of confidence.

"... It could lead you to a beach or sum'um ..."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gXDMoiEkyuQ&feature=share

Christina Conner said...

I'm so happy you are back! I have also suffered with depression, both as the one who is depressed and the one trying to help the depressed person. I love your humor. Also, your dog (the idiot one) looks and reminds me of my grandmother's dog Pixie (she was also an idiot- she and my grandmother both passed on several years ago). Anyway, I didn't see this post until after the next one, but I couldn't comment on that one because there's a 5,000 comment limit and you reached it! So many people love your humor! BTW, I found your blog when it was recommended to me by someone I met on an online dating site. Things didn't work out with him, but he brought me to your blog, and for that I am thankful (that story ended weird, we went on some dates and then we were at my house and I went on FB and commented on a friend from HS's post and then he got all weird and left and then later called me to explain that he had also been dating that girl and was really creeped out by it, like he was offended that we were friends or something- weirdo- so then the other girl and I talked about how he was the weird one). Anyway, I doubt very much you will see this in your thousands of comments and that's okay, but maybe if you're really bored some day and you read all of them, you'll see mine, too. Rock on!

Anonymous said...

The comments on your depression post are full... So I'll post here. I want to put more corn under your fridge so if it ever happens again there is corn for you

Anonymous said...

I'm SUPER glad you are back!!!! Thank you! Thank you!!!!!

She Curmudgeon said...

Depression happens, but I'm so glad that getting better enough to write here has happened, too.

So happy you're feeling up to writing again. So, so, so happy.

Daniel McHugh said...

Had to leave a comment on this post because the next one maxed out on comments. I laughed so hard I cried at both of your depression posts, and I cried because so much of what you said sounds so much like me that I couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of it all. There are so very many posts about depression on so many blogs you'd need to make up numbers to count them all, but only yours really jumped clean through into reality... and I think it's *because* you didn't try to filter out that absurdity. Depression *is* absurd. Maybe that doesn't make any sense to anyone who's never really been depressed, but not a single word of it was anything less than perfectly clear as windexed glass. I'm sitting here in a room very purposefully filled to an inch with things that I am absolutely enthralled with, and there are times, sometimes lots of times, every day, when there's nothing I look at that doesn't look exactly like a blank wall. While I'm in one of those moods with feelings and stuff let me just say it is absolutely awesome that you're back. :)

Will said...

Thank you for a post that might help someone who hasn't dealt with depression understand those who have. Granted, I know that it will be different for everyone, but at least this is a starting point that some of us might use in order to be helpful.

Also, thank you for your openness, honesty and vulnerability.

I hope that things continue to get better for you a little each day.

Jimjams said...

I just assumed that you were busy with your book so I'm sad to hear that you fish have been very dead. I'd say that 7000+ comments mean that an awful lot of us still like you though. Still looking for my piece of corn :-)

thoughtsappear.com said...

You're back! Woo-hoo!

Anonymous said...

YOU. ARE. AMAZING. THANK. YOU.

Anonymous said...

THANK YOU so much for being brave enough to share your story with us. It couldn't have been easy to put yourself out there like that, so I wanted to let you know how much I appreciate it.

I think it's incredible that you were willing to use the platform this blog gives you to be vulnerable. In doing so, you have added so much light and encouragement and comfort to the thousands and thousands of readers who can relate - either for themselves or someone they love. Thank you for using the darkest moments of your life to lift up and encourage so many people.

Angela Gilmore said...

I am so glad to see your blog show up on my feed. I added it way back and it never got updated, but I figured some day it would. I'm so excited to see what comes next!

Ashley said...

Your new post this morning already has 5000 comments and won't allow any more comments. I just wanted to say that I'm so happy you're still around and starting to feel a bit better. People who've never been suicidal or depressed shouldn't give advice just because they're happy. It's like me giving advice to an amputee about how to cope because I still have two legs. Bullshit. Anyway, from someone who's been there, it sometimes gets bad but it doesn't always stay bad, and the days that it's not bad are great and worth sticking around for.

Megan said...

I was just thinking about you the other day and hoping you were OK. YAY!

Scott R Soto said...

Hey, couldn't post on depression part 2, so I'm commenting here.

I think you did a remarkable job, both in relating your experience and taking the steps needed in working toward reclaiming your own life. Someone who has never been through depression might not be able to ever understand, it's not just an ache or a fear, you don't hesitate because hesitation would mean you care one way or the other. In the end you still aren't sure which choice is the right one, not because you feel one way or another - they're both just as hopeless.

Not every depression falls that deep and I'm glad you found your way out. The world would be a poorer place from your passing. You have our love, bothersome as it might be.

Welcome home.

Tiffany said...

Posting here because your other post won't let me now.

THANK YOU and You are totally correct and I kind of love you, just like the 7000 other people who commented. You know. Thanks. You're very good at things.

Brooke said...

Holy Crap... I cannot believe you're back!!! I started reading your stuff in my first year of college, and then you disappeared and now, you're back!!! You've been dearly missed!

G said...

Allie,

How great that you've come back! I've missed you.

You know, I just opened your blog on a lark. I haven't been here in months. You posted this intermediary piece just yesterday, so now I have the great pleasure of reading your longer piece!

I like your airplane, by the way.

I am not afraid of your darkness and just glad you're back.

All best to you.

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad you're alive!!!!

MOTOPAC said...

Good on ya!

Daniela Ruhland said...

Can´t post a comment on the newest entry, because comment form won´t let me.

I´m so freakin´ glad you´re back!!! Next time someone asks me how it feels like being depressed, I´ll just send them a link to your newest post. It´s exactly how it feels. All my fish are dead, and nobody cares about how dead they are....
Anyway, I´m glad to have you back. Please don´t leave for such a long time once again.

mutability said...

I am so glad that you have returned!

Anonymous said...

So, because your other post is already full, comment-wise, I'm going to post this here:

So much of this sounds so familiar - not in me, but in my boyfriend. I've been trying for a pretty long time to understand and help him, and I can only hope I'm doing it right, but this helped more than I can say. Thank you so much.

Is there anyway do you think that someone could actually help? Besides giving out pills, because I can't actually do that.

N. Thompson said...

I love you Allie!
I wanted to post on Depression pt2 but the comments are full... Anyway, no matter what's going on in your life, you are still wonderful and I am so glad to see you back! <3

Anonymous said...

Oh god. I'm so glad you're back.
I just... Kenny Loggins, and then Alot, and then... Oh god, we missed you.

Anonymous said...

I don't know what higher being or force exists that helped me find your post today. I only search for your blog every other month or so, given the long lapse. But today I search, and today there is a post that completely coincides with every feeling I've had for months. Coincidence? Higher being? Luck? Whatever. It's one of my own 'corn moments'.

I appreciate your work, and I'm sorry you've been down. I wish you the best, and I sincerely thank you for being there to help me feel more normal.

Anonymous said...

Congratulations, and welcome back. I totally didn't hate you when you were away.

Benny said...

Allie, you've been missed in a major way..

I've already read the other post because I went out of order like the wild child I am, and I've been there..

I'm glad you're finding a world where there's the possibility that everything is not entirely bullshit. Welcome back a bit, I'm glad you found your corn.

Kelly L said...

YAY! Welcome back. I have missed you and I hope you are doing better and tiny shriveled corn is of course hilarious and you should probably bronze it and make jewelry out of it. (I couldn't comment on your other post because you had like a bajillion comments and it was all "O MOAR COMMENTS"). Anyway. Big big hugs, I know what it's like to go through the dark places, though never quite to the point of not feeling any feelings (only just feeling all of the bad feelings). I'm proud of you for coming out onto the other side, mostly in tact. <3

Beth said...

I'm so glad to see you back! Thanks for putting out effort to entertain all of us. I know that you've made me laugh helplessly, and also feel less alone in some parts of the mood disorder I have. Hi hi hi good to see you again! :D

Anonymous said...

The fish are dead and you're posting again. I'm happy. x

Julie Hutchinson said...

Wonderful to see you here again Allie. I like your plane.

Sydnei Holzer said...

Hey Allie, I tied to comment on you other post, and it was full. I don't expect you to read this, but if you do know that you are not alone, and I am going through this too, and know how much you don't want to do life. I also wanted to let you know that your stories have helped me a lot. They have made it easier for me to get through, and given me hope when I was down. When ever I'm sad I come and read your stories. I cannot wait to get our book I love your work.
-Sydnei

Anonymous said...

Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!! =)

Ms. Author said...

Allie thank you so much. Because you posting the depression sequel yesterday helped me so much. You've made me have a reboot in confidence and good lord it's been awhile since that happened. Thank you endlessly. I hope the world spouts out more corn kernels for you to laugh about <3

IceCreamandDicks said...

I missed you.. in the I-HAVE-NEVER-MET-YOU-BUT-I-AM-TOTALLY-ENAMORED-BY-YOUR-GREATNESS sort of way.

Get better lady.

Rosie

Anonymous said...

Yay!!!!! You're back!!!!

Carolyn Woodley said...

I read this backwards, as in the second post first and this one last... wouldn't it be awesome if planes flapped their wings?

Anonymous said...

You get so many comments, I don't know that you'll ever read this one - but I too have had dead fish for the last year or so. I'm glad you found your corn.

Anonymous said...

You're amazing. I plan on showing your posts to my therapist and saying, "this. This is what I'm trying to say." I know it's an uphill battle, but I'm glad you're fighting it. And I hope you find your next piece of corn soon. :)

Smashley said...

Welcome Back, Allie. I'm very...I want to say "happy" to see you back. I think that is the emotion I'm going for.
Depression doesn't make sense to anyone who hasn't experienced it, and sometimes not even to those who are experiencing it. Makes it all kinds of awkward.

irene_nyc said...

I almost cried at the site of a new post! I've missed you. I wanted to say that you are one of the main reasons i started blogging, i hope you are feeling better. You are missed dearly.

Heliopause said...

It was wonderful to open this and find you're back.

Heliopause said...

This article is the best thing i have ever read about depression. By miles. I am really, really glad you're back and posting. Thank you.

Kelly Reed said...

I hope that someday you can
HAVE ALL THE FEELINGS!

I hug you now.

Christian Nielsen said...

Saw your FB notice about returning this post (And subsequent "depression part two"-post) while at work... Suddenly, I couldn't wait to get home.

Good to have you back ;)

JC said...

Commenting here because your newest post has reached the MAXIMUM NUMBER OF COMMENTS. Has that ever happened before? You should probably call Guinness or something. (About a possible record, or just a nice pint.)

I'm right about at the "wishing nothing loved me" stage. I remember the pre-dog "crying all the time because I was 70% sure I was going to kill myself and I was afraid of death" stage, so this one is at least less painful because I don't feel anything. I've kind of convinced myself at this point that as long as I do my job and don't abandon the dog by offing myself, everything is under control! ...Right?

Anyway, thanks for checking in, thanks for writing this, and you're not alone, even if you aren't out of the woods yet. About two seconds after linking your new post on Facebook, at eight-oh-something on a Saturday morning, friends are liking it already. Anyone who can inspire action at eight-oh-something on a Saturday morning is pretty damn important. The Internet loves you, Allie Brosh, and the love of such a cynical creature is not easily won.

K said...

Have you read William Styron's 'Darkness Visible'? Your depression posts are better than that. So fucking well-said I could cry. Thank you.

Mimi said...

You're maxxed out on comments on the depression part 2 post, so I'm here just saying it's good to see you back, and you're an amazing person, I'm totally in awe of you.

Linkz57 said...

Glad to see you're back, I really enjoy reading your posts.

And that's it.

I can't empathize with your situation because I've never been depressed like that, or had a boyfriend, or rented 6 horror movies or any of those things. I just find your drawings entertaining and the way you seem almost excited to talk about things that most people would want to shut away and never think about--it's odd, in a good way.

My favorite posts are still "Dogs Don't Understand Basic Concepts Like Moving" and "How a Fish Almost Destroyed My Childhood". Sometimes I re-read posts like that because they're still funny the fourth and fifth time.

So that's it. Most people who submit things to the internet measure their self-worth by the number of comments, likes, etc (me included, though I don't have anything on Blogspot) so I thought I'd add a +1 to your comment count, even though I don't have anything to say.

Anonymous said...

I'm posting here b/c the Depression Part 2 comments are maxed out. Thank you for sharing your story. I'm proud of you for hanging in there and for sharing your story. I've been there too.

BeccaM said...

Dear Allie,

So glad you're back... and damn if you didn't have an absolutely spot-on description of depression. The dead fish metaphor was perfect.

So was the gusher of positive emotions from well-meaning but oblivious friends. And the spaces full of nothing and boredom and literally just wanting not to be around anymore.

I've been there. But I also get the corn. The epiphany, triggered by a key unique to the locks inside your own head. It makes total sense to you but none whatsoever to anyone else.

For me, it was a cross-state bus ride. I can't explain it. The circumstances of my life were still crap...and something shifted. I tried to explain it, but all I ever got was weird looks and if I went further, people backing away.

Thus I can't totally understand exactly why that corn kernel did what it did for you -- but I totally get how it did it.

Anyway, I along with lots and lots of other people out here on the Internet have missed you. I know that's not even terribly helpful when one is in depression, but there it is.

Take care.

Becca

Sarah T said...

So glad to see you're still with us and feeling up to posting again! Needless to say, you have been sorely missed. :)

Michelle Hiatt said...

OMG...it's like Christmas if that were still a magical time in my life! "Flinchy" is totally my favorite kind of truthfulness. How DID you know what to get me? I love you like family -- the good kind, you know...the ones you actually pick -- and I am now done blowing schmaltzy cheeriness at your face through a fire hose. But seriously: you were MISSED. That is all.

Stian Lund said...

Since the other comments are full I will just say this here; that I am very happy you are back and really looking forward to your book. Love ya.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for being alive. :-) It was your blog and nothing else in the world I tried that convinced a friend of mine that he isn't alone.

You aren't either, and you are loved. By strangers! How creepy-sounding is that?!

Maggie said...

Is there a Depression Part One? I really identify with Part Two.

Steve Moss said...

I laughed at "those parts", so you succeeded :) Good to have you back, and glad you are feeling a little better.

Also, I laughed at the "I'm super creepy and totally capable of finding you" bit above this comment box! Lol!

Anonymous said...

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com.au/2013/05/depression-part-two.html

this is the best fucking depiction of depression i've ever read. please make a dedicated site for it (like doyouwanttounderstanddepression.com), so people with depression can send a link to the people who don't understand them. i went through that same shit too, and the fact that i'm swearing here like an old bugger may be proof enough that i'm through it for now.
thanks, whoever you are.

Aifric said...

I'm sorry your fish were dead. I have had some hysteric laughs at/with your work, as have friends, family and my boyfriend. Thanks xxxx

Anonymous said...

I'm posting here since you've hit the max no. of comments on your depression post.

From my personal experience, nothing has ever been as hard as walking into a drs office and telling them that I didn't want to live anymore. I'm glad you're still here.

Lynn M said...

*posting here because comments are full on "Part II"*
Allie, we've missed you. *hugs hugs hugs* I am glad you are starting to have feelings again.

Anonymous said...

I'm so happy you're back. I've missed your postings and I'm glad I'll be seeing them again. Keep getting better and thank you for not giving up on us!!

*hugs* (In a totally not creepy way)

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Anonymous said...

Hi Ally, I comment here because the other posts comments reached maximum.

Did that piece of corn show you that not everything has to be controlled? Its totally OK for a piece of corn to be under the fridge.
Its totally OK that you don't do what is expected from you.
Its totally normal that your feelings don't give a fuck about whether they are rational. Maybe not polite but normal.

Manta said...

So, comments for your full post were full so I'm commenting here.

A-Thank you. Really. Thank you.

B-Glad you're back.

GoAshyGo said...

So your Depression Part 2 post has reached it's maximum number of comments, so I am commenting here instead.
...
Don't even know what to write... But the point is I BEAT THE SYSTEM!
HA!

Oh, and I'm glad you've worked up to posting something again. I have been having a great deal of detached-depressy feelings in the past couple of years... I know how hard it is to motivate yourself to do ANYTHING. So thank you for posting again :)

Elspeth Thorne said...

I just read your post - and I totally understand about the corn. I get it. There have been times when I've just been kind of looking around, and my eyes have kind of just stopped on something that's just ... that one thing that's out of place, and it has been hysterically funny and ridiculous FOR NO REASON, and I've collapsed laughing until I was literally blue in the face because I couldn't breathe.

Also, those bloody cheerful people.

Anonymous said...

I am so glad you are back! I found out through the Bloggess so yay for her! And you!

I was afraid an Alot had carried you off forever.

naleta said...

I am glad that you are making it through the slog, slog, slog. I totally understand the wanting to be dead, but not wanting to actually kill yourself. I made it through, and I'm glad that you are feeling things again, too.

Minim said...

You have so many comments on the post this was a warm up to that I saw this:

Reached maximum number of comments. No more comments can be posted.

Very disappointing to see when I was so bleedin' excited to see you back!

I have to shout now: MY FAVOURITE BLOG IS BACK!!!!!!!! :D :D :D

And to that post: Wow, that sounds actually really horrible! I'm very glad you're doing better now, of course. And you've still got that amazing writing skill.

I was going to write something after that, but now I've forgotten it.

Bugger.

Still, nice to see you back!

Bethany said...

I was going to post on your newer post but it had too many comments (go, you!). I just wanted to thank you for writing the post and returning. I have been there. It sucks, big time. So many of your little cartoons had me chuckling because they are SO true. People who are all sunshine and roses drive me deeper into the pit of depression- they just do not get it. At All.

momski said...

My 13 yo daughter is in the hospital, being treated for depression. This is her 2nd stint there this year. Tonight I visited her and we read both of your posts on depression out loud. We laughed until we cried. I could hardly get through it THANK you for the distraction and humorous take on a scary condition.

Anonymous said...

I wanted to post on the other post but it has too many comments and I'm not allowed >_<

I was depressed for years and not only did you manage to explain it better than ANYTHING I could ever say, you managed to also make me laugh while reading it. Serious kudos!

Just know that you're absolutely right when saying bad uncomfortable things happen and we shouldn't turn away because they do. I, for one, am always sharing stories about my past that make people uncomfortable, but I refuse to stop or sugarcoat it. My father both molested me and later killed himself before we could remember what he did to us (by us I mean my sisters and I). I will never stop talking about it because I refuse to sweep it under the rug because it's not something happy to talk about. The more we talk about it, the more normal it seems. Just look around! So many people are admitting to being depressed!

Kudos and thanks Allie! I missed your blog SOOOOOO much and I'm so happy that you're finding life meaningful again! I look forward to your blog posts!

-Kira

Anonymous said...

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

It helps to know there might be a piece of corn out there for me

Aimee said...

Wow -- I just read your post from the 9th, but the comments are all full so I'm commenting here. I feel like what you wrote -- and drew -- gave me so much insight into what was happening with my husband. You see, he never did see that piece of corn, and he took his own life in December. It's so hard to have any kind of insight looking back, not that I don't WANT to have it but it hurts to know what he was feeling, and to realize how very much I didn't understand about where he was emotionally. All I can say is, I am deeply grateful that you are still here and that you have the ability to do what you do.

Anonymous said...

I love you. And I've missed you. Thanks for coming back. :D

Anonymous said...

I think you broke the internet. ;) I read your next post, and couldn't comment there due to the fact there were 5,000 before me! :D
I just have to thank you for such an honest post on depression. It might be confusing... it might not make sense to people... but it made sense to me, and the ways I felt when I was depressed as a teenager. Maybe things aren't going to be perfect, or sunshine and rainbows.. but you never know what the future may bring. I won't fill a comment with hope and joy and positivity, but I will think it, and hope for it for you. You're amazingly talented, and so many of us have missed you - so you must be doing something right! xo!

Nina said...

I'm so glad you're back! <3

Loralynn said...

I'm so glad you are back. You manage to say things perfectly, almost like you are inside my head.

Mia said...

Yessss! You're my piece of corn. I love you. Welcome back!

MacPauly said...

Sorry about your fish. We still like you, though.

Anonymous said...

the shriveld corn under your refridgerator might save me, too...I think it actually will. even across the ocean back in Europe. Thanks so much and consider me prepared for whatever you write next.

Anonymous said...

the shriveld corn under your refridgerator might save me, too...I think it actually will. even across the ocean back in Europe. Thanks so much and consider me prepared for whatever you write next.

Nori said...

I've been linking this to people who don't understand the dangers of Optimism Crusading with desperate happiness sprinklers. You said so perfectly what I've been trying to say for years.

And yes, I laughed. Especially at the hate cannon from your brain, the floor-crying, and the way your dog loves you...I can easily say I wouldn't be here without my cats, and I'm glad you've got your dog.

It's the idea that deciding to keep going is the hardest decision that hits home the hardest. A lot of people just don't get how hard it is, how tired you get...when you said you didn't wanna kill yourself, you just wanted to become dead, I was like YES, THAT.

Anyway. Sorry for the ramble. Just thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

Brandy said...

I'm commenting here because I am too late to comment on your newest post.
While you were gone, I went to the psychiatric hospital. I was suicidal. I was sobbing in a panic every night and just wanted it to end. After the hospital, I cried a lot. I went to group therapy every day. I cried more. I quit my job. I started getting my life together, going back to school and getting a job I like. Still, life continues to drop crap on me. I still have bouts of not wanting to be anymore. I'm hoping it all gets better. It is hard to keep up hope. Anyway, I am glad you are back because it is good to have such perfect explanations of how I feel and to know someone understands. It makes hope a little easier.

Allison Tenney said...

You are the most significant inspiration for my own blog.
I felt weird about my writing my blog until I read in your FAQ that you won't think I'm copying you for making pictures in MS Paint. :D

Anyway, you're my hero.

http://challengedtimes.blogspot.com/2013/05/allie-brosh-is-my-hero.html

Shar said...

Hi, your newer post was at its max so I'm writing this here even though I'm sure you're super busy and will never even see it. I felt flinchy and uncomfortable, and I laughed. I also related. I'm going through a difficult time in my life right now, and everything you said rang 100% accurate for me. I felt... not alone. So thank you. And I hope that you can keep finding things that make you laugh, and maybe one day at a time you will be able to pull your way out. I just wanted you to know that you touched me (and not in a creepy uncle way) and that you ARE important, and you DO matter. Even if it's just to some random crazy person on the internet.

Moxie said...

Because your "Depression 2: Electric Bugaloo" post is already at max capacity for comments, I went BACK IN TIME to comment on this post.

THAT'S HOW MUCH I'VE MISSED YOU!

(Damn, now I've got that Huey Lewis song stuck in my head!)

Anyway, I am also dealing with depression, and I'll keep looking for my corn under the fridge. I'm glad you found yours. :-)

Kelly said...

I hope it's not surprising how many of us have the same problems that you have. I know that I feel totally alone in my blackest hours, that no one could possibly have ever felt like I do... and then I get online and go to reddit or somewhere where there are people and find out that I'm absolutely not alone. That's almost helpful sometimes.

Anyway, everyone on the Internet missed you. I'm sure you can tell by the comments being full on your more recent post (that's why I'm commenting here and not there).

I've preordered your book (yay) and am looking forward to introducing more people to your amazingly funny work. I'm going after the non-Internet people now, like my parents, since I've already made everyone I know online look at your stuff.

Best wishes from Texas and my corner of cyber space.

Rhonda said...

I'm commenting here because comments are maxed out on your Depression Part Two post. If you read these comments you must know that you reach people. You have this crazy and amazing gift for storytelling and illustration that makes people howl with laughter. I read your posts at work and I am usually trying to read through streaming tears squeezed out from laughing so hard. Your super-simple illustration style calls focus to the perfect minutiae of expression, gesture, posture. You reach right inside and we understand what you mean, every time. This time too.

Allie, we are all corn under your fridge. If you look under your fridge next time you are floor crying and glimpse thousands of shriveled little reader-corns, all alone, just waiting for you to find us, please sweep us up and keep us in a shoebox. You can make corn-art out of us. Corn necklaces and corn bracelets. Corn beads for the tops of your flip-flops. Use us, if you can.
^0^ -..- .^. ~..~

Mjit said...

I am so totally with you on the hilarity of that piece of corn.

Anonymous said...

I am so glad you are back and your post about what you've been through was amazing. I'm commenting here because the other post's comment section is maxed out at 5000. You are amazing, thank you for sharing such difficult things.

iok-1 said...

Ever since your Oct. 2011 post I had been checking for new posts with a growing sense of loss. I missed your creativity and humor. I'm relieved (and glad) to see you posting again, and I hope things continue to improve. As for making me flinch-y and uncomfortable, go ahead and give it your best shot. (p.s. I've read your next post, but comments are closed there)

Michelle Polston said...

Your most recent post is full up on comments, so I'm posting here. I'm not going to say I can relate - because we don't even know each other. I will say that I did have a similar experience which resulted in a hospital stay, doctors, and medication just a couple months ago. Now I'm keeping myself busy with gardening which seems to be helping for the most part. I'm thinking about planting corn now, because that would put such a smile on my face. Glad you're back. Missed your updates. :)

A Place to be Me said...

I can't comment on your newest post because you have TOO MANY COMMENTS!! Anyway welcome back, you've been missed! You can write about anything as long as you write!!

Stark Radio said...

I have missed your posts, and it is so nice to see you writing and drawing again!

Very glad you are still with us. You've been through a lot in the last 18 months. WELCOME BACK.

Frankie said...

On 2013-05-09 at 8:56 am, Allie posted "Depression part 2". By 5:56 pm, Blogger's comment system maxed out. 5000 replies in 9 hours.

Congratulations, Allie, and thank you for shining a bright and humorous light on a dim and difficult subject.

Anonymous said...

The comic had a good explanation of how NOT to help someone with depression. Here's what you CAN do instead:

Keep Calm and Carry On.

Depression is an illness. Ask them to see a doctor. Offer to help. But ultimately they have to do it for themselves. It might take 18 days. It might take 18 months.

Micki Mahoney said...

Hey Allie, when the "don't give a fuck" thing happened to me, it was as a result of the medication for depression/anxiety, not the depression itself. Once off the medication, everything slowly returned to equilibrium. If it happens again, _please_ get your doctor to look again your prescription.

I was never one for sappiness at the best of times, but glad to have you back.

A McR said...

I tried to post on the Adventures part two, but it had reached maximum comments. I'm happy that you are feeling less shitty. Depression fuckin' sucks. I've thought about you over the months and wondered if you were feeling crappy. I hadn't heard about your death, so, that was some news. Good for you for being open about depression. It's important. Alot.

crimsoncat05 said...

like so many other people, I'm commenting here because I can, and because I can't comment on the next post. I am so glad you're back, and glad you finally got to the point where that odd, absurd piece of corn could make you laugh. I've been through it (though maybe not to that degree of severity) and still go through it every once in a while (mostly when I forget to take my medication). I most identify with the bit about wishing nothing loved you so you wouldn't have to feel obligated (for me, it was my cats). I am glad you're back to blogging, and I'm glad you're finally feeling better!

Maura said...

Comments are maxed out on your next post, but I HAD to say Yay! and Whew, you're alive! and Thank you! for this.

I laughed until I cried when your character is trying to explain to a weepy woman on the sofa that she doesn't feel like living. It reminded me of the hours I spent in a bathtub (several years ago), thinking "Oh, no, I'm not suicidal; I just want to lay with my head underwater until everything disappears." I can laugh about it now.

ona555 said...

Allie it is so good to see you back. Kept your blog bookmarked forever hoping you'd find your way back.

I am sorry your fish are dead, and I am also so glad you found your corn.

Anonymous said...

I wish I had known your blog before my boyfriend committed suicide because of depression (6 months ago). I could not understand what was going wrong with him in the past year, I thought he had a burn-out syndrome, was trying to get him to a doctor but he always refused. Now I understand. But it's too late and I cannot bring him back to life. It really hurts...

Nissa said...

Mother of god...
I'M GONNA DANCE EVERYWHERE NOW. Or after I read the new post. Most likely the latter.

Steph said...

Your post about Depression-part 2 was full and no more comments were allowed, so I had to go back and post here.

Allie, we are SO happy you are back! And I loved your post. You said it all, so there really isn't anything I could say that wouldn't be trite, but we've missed you a ton and are so glad that you sort of hope the future might not be all pointless BS :) Can't wait for more posts!

standgale said...

Hi,

I was very happy to hear that you'd made a new post - depression part 2. I often think about your wonderful webpage here, and wonder how you are going. Amazingly, depression part 2 was quite funny, which made it really awkward when I was talking to a classmate whose daughter has been suicidal - "there's this great post, it's really funny and about depression and suicide, I mean, ummm...."
I relate to some parts of your post, and I think you've explained them brilliantly. I don't know how much time you spend on these, but they always seem so casually funny, like this great perspective just flows out of you. It's an amazing gift to be able to explain these things in such an accessible way. I hope you continue getting better, and hopefully you will be able to post again about the next step on the journey. Even the two posts you have already done are extremely valuable to explain to people who don't really get depression what is going on, so don't feel too much pressure to produce another post on it - you've already done the world a great service, and not many people with a blog can say that! All the best of luck to you.

C. said...

What´s a "yay" in a sea of yays?

And still: YAY!!!!

Stephen G said...

You are out of room for new comments in the new post, so I'm putting this here.

I UNDERSTAND WHY THE CORN IS FUNNY!!!

~Elizabeth

Anonymous said...

*happy tears* Oh my god I'm so glad you're back I missed you so much and I was so worried I love you please feel better I acknowledge your pain and emptiness and I just *holds close and hugs*

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Karen said...

I think your comment section serves two equal functions: an avenue for fans to shower you with praise and therapy for the rest of us to support you and each other in our search for sanity and an even balance in our lives.

I have wanted to post a hurrah and a thank you to you for so long and this is the only opening in years. It will be lost in the thousands, but I'm still... relieved... to be able to say it. So HURRAH and THANK YOU!

Your posts are so raw, and it's so rare to find humor and honesty and not a sugar-coated re-write. The "This is Why I'll Never be an Adult" chart depicts the Groundhog Day cycle I call life so exactly it's a bit creepy, but I've been a fan ever since your read my mind.

Thank you for muscling through, finding better meds, using family support, or faking it till you made it, because so many are glad to see you back.

Anonymous said...

I LOVE YOU ALLLIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEE!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE THE BESTEST EVER EVER EVER!!!!!!!!!! I'm so glad that you're getting better!!!!!!

Michael said...

*hugs* Luvya, Ally!
I laughed a lot at the depression post, and didn't feel too weird about it because my emotions can be pretty screwed up too, enough that my reaction seemed pretty normal. (I've upped my Zoloft prescription recently, though.)
We-- speaking collectively for your readers-- all love you, okay? Just win the internet for us. That's all.
We believe in you. Or at least I do. I feel confident that the internet is winnable, and I know you can win the internet.
Just remember, the closer you get to achieving your goals, the more your necromancy levels go up, which means there's more chance of some of your fish being brought back to life. (Okay, maybe that was stupid-- the point is: do stuff, win the internet, and you won't be able to deny that you're worth something.)
<33333333 Sorry that I'm not much help.

Michael said...

*Allie
(That kind of takes the punch away from what I was saying...)

567 said...

This i the third post of yours I'm reading.
Your newest post (next post) is my 2nd.
The first time I'm reading your blog, I decided that it was boring and never attempted reading it again until today, for the reason I don't even know why.
Maybe, I'm reading it again because I just felt I want to give things some chances, and reading your post about depression, I feel so much related, but the comments was 5000 already maximum, so here is this my first comment, not really that matter, I too am surprise why I'm doing this.
The story was related, the make-out expressions, the 'helping' friends and the pitying faces, until the corn part, which make me laugh hard. I'd never expected a picture of a little, wrinkle corn in a blog can make me laugh so hard.
Only because of your title, now I know what I went, it's depression. Well, anyway thanks for the post. I think I save my time on yoga or any doctors because of your post. Superb

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So-many-ships said...

Hi Allie,

Thank you for sharing your experience with depression.

I'm sure you have thousands of people sharing their stories with you, and you can't read them all. You might even not be checking comments at all, and I totally get that.

I can't always deal with the pressure of people communicating with me when I'm struggling with my own shit, so no worries if you never read this. I just want to put this out here in case you're bored and reading through stuff to pass the time.

Anyhow, I posted this on Tumblr about how your most recent post helped me make some realizations in my own battle with depression (I couldn't put this comment on your Depression part two post, as it's already maxed out!):

http://so-many-ships.tumblr.com/post/50760912943/long-cathartic-post-about-pretty-much-everything

I wish you well, and thank you for reaching out to me through the void, whether you meant to or not. :)

Maria Meredith said...

I had this feeling today that I needed to check your blog .... and was so happy to see that you were back!!! Hurrah! Hope you are feeling better! You have been missed. xx

Anonymous said...

You're NOT DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Anonymous said...

ALLIE!!!! YOU'RE BACK!!! And I read your other post, I can totally sympathize. Like *honk, honk* people just kept on saying things like *honk, honk* "Oh, I know EXACTLY how you feel. I went through that when my cat died and stuff." Not that cats dying isn't tragic or anything, just that it's not the same. Like *honk, honk* people think they know JUST what you're talking about, but really they don't. And sorry about the *honk, honk*s, but I'm participating in a challenge in which you have to say "Honk, honk" after every time you say "like." *Honk, honk* I also realize I'm being very hypocritical by saying that I know what you're talking about, too, but....hmmm..... Like. *Honk, honk*

Anonymous said...

Hi,
I could not comment in you last post, so I will say it here.
I've been there, dragging myself in non-feelingness before.
I am ok now. I just want to say, if you get scared, just hold my hand.
I am here, even if you can't see me or if you don't know me, hold my hand.

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